June 6

I gave my report to the Commander. He said I did good, that it meant I had the makings of a soldier, at least, the beginnings of one. Until right then, that was exactly what I had wanted to hear from him, the praise I was looking for. But, it didn’t settle right. All I could keep thinking about was what I could have done differently, what I could have done right.

A good soldier wouldn’t have been beat down by worm like Carkel.

Elly keeps fretting around. I know she’s only worried, but it’s driving me up the wall. I want to tell her to settle down, that I’m alive and that’s what matters, but I can’t seem to get the words out. I keep wondering if she’s disgusted by me…I looked in a mirror earlier, she had told me the truth, my face was bad. As much as I try, I can’t move the left side of my lips…Can’t smile right.

The Commander introduced me to another warrior- fresh meat like me. His name is Astirion, though he goes by Rock. Wrong as it may be, I kind of hated him. Not cause he’s a bad guy, hell, I’m sure once all this passes, we’ll be damn good friends…But because he seemed so perfect, like what I should be.

Everything about him was better, his looks, his mentor, even his armor and weapons shined…

Ma always said jealousy is a petty thing, and I shouldn’t be upset over what others rightfully have earned, but I was. I was jealous that he had just joined and got to train under the leader of the War Corps, that the Commander seemed to have some sort of silent approval for him.

I felt like hitting him when he started acting all charming towards Elly…What’s wrong with me?

This ain’t me. I know it…I know I ain’t angry, I shouldn’t be. I did what I set out to do, I defended my home- proved all of them wrong.

Elly had a device…it showed me everything she went through in Northrend. They were fighting hundreds of scourge and ghouls, and none of them seemed to have a scratch on them. It ended as they found Mel. She’s under the impression that it was because of me that Carkel didn’t catch them…

I think she knows something is wrong, I just don’t want to tell her. I don’t want to let her know how much all this has shaken me…I want to be strong, I want her to believe I’m strong.

I need to train…I need to hit something.